The Conservatives And The Constitution

   The Conservatives are convinced that somewhere the real Constitution is being parried and warded off and held in abeyance or maybe kept in a vault underground in a prison dungeon somewhere and that we need to return to it, or bring it back to us so that we can reinstall it into its proper…i don't know…container. Or box. Or pedestal or table, or wherever they think it should go.
   I have no idea where they get this idea unless it's something they have carried with them from childhood where make-believe becomes something you need to hope and pray is real. When I was a child I really wanted The Phantom to exist even though I really knew he was just drawings on paper created by some guy in a small room bent over a drawing board and smoking cigarettes. But I wanted The Phantom - and Tarzan and The Blackhawks and a few others - to be real. But I knew they weren't. And at some point in my life I just stopped thinking about them altogether.
   Conservatives think the same way about the Constitution but they take this fantasy with them into adulthood and then get angry if you say or suggest to them that whatever Constitution they think exists…doesn't really exist: that the one that actually exists is the one that's actually in use.
   This, however, is too much for a Conservative to listen to without going LA LA LA LA and pushing their index fingers into their ears and squeezing their eyes shut to drown you out aurally and visually. And if they could drown you out olfactorally so that they wouldn't have to smell you they would be covering their noses too. Every sensory input would be blocked in order to keep you and your hideous words from gaining entrance.
   It is impossible to get a Conservative to explain to you why the Constitution that exists is not the Constitution we are supposed to be using. It would be easier for you to find a video of Rosie Odonnell with a white human dick in her twat and a look of rapturous delirium on her face. Conservatives cannot explain why their imaginary Constitution is the real one. They just insist that it is. And they are as boneheaded as cultists about it. Scientologists think we come back and that we have been here before. In fact they insist on it. If you tell them that's not the case they get very angry at you. Try it, you don't believe me. You tell a Catholic Jesus is not in the bread disc, installed there by a child molester who said the secret words, he will get very angry at you. You tell a Muslim that Mohammed was a sociopathic mental patient in love with death, pain, and sorrow and gathered bands of like-minded sociopaths from the dungheaps of the wildernesses to join him destroy all who would not obey them in order to gather new 10 year old girls and boys to rape they get very angry at you.
   "Oh, now you're comparing a Conservative with a Muslim."
   Kinda, yeah, I guess you could say that. Both groups are insistent that you obey them.
   But, really, let's not go too far afield here, even though I have an enthusiastic penchant for it.
   Anyway, Conservatives are so adrift and far out to sea regarding their imaginary real Constitution that it's easier to get a schizophrenic to believe the voices and the visuals of burning monkeys are not real than it is to convince that the Constitution that is in use is the real Constitution.