How To Baffle A Conservative

    Conservatives are the ones who complain that the Constitution is being ignored, overridden, debauched, slighted, hacked-away....a million things are being done to it that are "not right." Whenever a law comes into being from out of the vapor that they don't like...someone is playing around with the Constitution. Keep in mind that these are people who have never so much as read the Constitution. But they somehow know that it is being fucked with. How do they know this?....because they are Conservatives. Conservatives are defined as the people who say the Constitution is being fucked with. Who is fucking with it?....people who have actually read it: bureaucrats. The people who have read it and actually know what it says are the ones fucking with it. Now, the bureaucrat might say to the Conservative "I am not fucking with it. I am working within it's confines and parameters and allowances and directions." The Conservative - who has never held office or gone to law school or worked in the public bureaucratic sector or even read the Constitution will insist that, no, "You, Senyore Bureaucrat, are fucking with it."
    Now, I am not a bureaucrat. But if I was, I would say to the Conservative at this point, "The Constitution was written for me: not for you. I have to work with it. I have to interpret it. I have to implement it. You on the other hand don't do anything with the Constitution except defend it. Even though you don't know what it says. If you opened it up and read it and it said "I fucked your mom" you would defend it. Because it's the Constitution. You don't really care what it says because you are going to defend it no matter what it says. Which is fine. But I have to work with it. So fuck you. Leave me alone, and quit whining about something you do not understand and are too lazy to actually personally investigate. Asshole." This is what I would say to a Conservative if I was a bureaucrat. In fact is, I am not a bureaucrat and I already say a lot of it to the sons o' bitches.
   The bureaucrat of course would be right: the Constitution was not written for you. It was written for office holders and judges and cops and aldermen, whatever those are, and lawyers and justices of the peace and clerks at the hall of records and anyone else who can tell a cop to arrest you and the cop won't even bother to ask them why. Because they are buds and allies. And they know it. These are the people the Constitution was written for because it CREATED them. The Constitution did not create you. It created your masters. That is why these public sector jobs are so coveted: because the people in them are protected by the Constitution because the Constitution brought them into being. And if they can rewrite it and you will nonetheless keep defending it no matter how much they rewrite it and tweak it - or even if they dont - you will defend the Constitution and spend all your yelling on the people the Constitution brought into being. So in other words you are defending a deity. Made of paper. Basically.
    In the Christian universe this is called paganism.
    Good job, heathen. We need more of you morons.