The All Important Magna Carta And Friends HAHAHAHAHAHA

ah, yes, the writ of habeas corpus. the piece of paper you allegedly need to have in tow in order to make an arrest legal. because no one wants to live in a land where illegal arrests can be made. how dare they corral americans into a pen without the proper paperwork? you know, a lot of people died so that secretaries and paralegals could find jobs preparing writs of habeas corpuses to hand to judges to sign or give to the janitor to sign or give to a signing machine to sign them or give to mr rogers to sign so that mr rogers can go to an even higher place in heaven: the important thing is that they - the writs of labia porpoise -  need to be present, in the room, on the table, in a briefcase under a table, on the drink-surface of a saloon, it doesnt really matter its location ladies and gentlemen all that matters is that it exist and that it is specific about which apprehension is underway and that it specifies which statue, law, tradition, color code, dress code, bar code, zip code, crackerjack code has been violated, ignored, disobeyed, skirted-around, sublimated to one's own free will, scoffed at, laughed at, treated with disrespect and otherwise not suitably honored and adored. so, yes, where is, or are, the writs or writs or Ritz of Caveat Emptor in this case? I do not see any. I see lots of cops, lots of judges, lots of attorneys, but no Schlitz. No Schlitz of Garrulous Dorfus. And you know that the only reason we are fortunate enough to live in a land where Wrists of Corpus Delecti  reign supreme unless ignored?....it is because of the Magna Carta. Yes, the Magnum P.I Jimmy Carter was signed aboard the HMS Assfuck in England in 14 Thousand BC so that people could not be arrested without duly authorized dooty being first excreted from the magisterial bum of the Sheriff of Nottingham. "Before you can arrest me you must tell me why you are arresting me Sir!" this was the haughty and lusty cry from the holy land of Mother England once the evil landowners and landlords saw the might and majesty of the Magma Crater staring them in the face, its ink not even yet dry. "How can we stand and fight against this?" a terrified King John gasped at his henchmen and gay guards of honor as the Magi Garters were waved in front of them. "We are undone" was the unified, whispered surrender of the lords and ladies to this new Power of the People! "We must tell them first why we are arresting them" an emotionally pummeled and spiritually exhausted King John whispered weakly as he crawled along the floor of the castle, seeking to find a drop of water oozing down the rocks of the walls that he might drink and regain his strength.  And so thus it is today we have the Pile'oShit o' Cumulo Nimbus Writus Magnus Opus Rope-a-Dopus to guide us onward into the future of justice for all: "No arrest shall be made without paperwork!" And of course from that has evolved by far the most advanced progress toward human liberty every yet devised - can we take off our hats? - the Miranda Rights! The right to remain silent while being arrested under a writ of Coati Mundi as handed down to us from the Magnorticus Carniverous, signed so very long ago aboard a ship bound for Catalina where the dolphins play and the goats gambol gaily: the Rights of Miranda, the sacred and sanctified honorable and Worshipful Masterful right to go quietly. "Yes, I will go to my prison cell and piss there in my shoe in lieu...."piss in my shoe and skip to my lou"......sorry..... I will go to my cell quietly as guaranteed to me by the Constitution and duly interpreted as a living document to give to me the right of silence! I shall not speak as you drag me away. I know my rights, sir. I know my rights. In silence I will go to prison and have my life forever ruined and I will laugh as you try and make me relinquish my silence.  Proudly and defiantly I will pout and grit my teeth and make no sound. It is my right. The Magical Garter and the Writ of Attainder Domesticus Coatimundi and my Carmen Miranda Rights; these I clutch jealously to my bosom in my little cell of steel and cement and part of a toilet. The last laugh is mine, yes, the last laugh is mine and I will laugh my laugh in SILENCE, as is my right! 

Let's Review

the constitution actually violates the first amendment because it establishes itself as a religion and creates legions of bureaucrats as its enforcers and "diviners" or interpreters as they are more usually called. they used to be called high priests. it is the first secular divinity in history. right wingers are its most devout adherers and believers, regarding it as "a sacred document" that is infallible and without defect. it was created perfect and astounding by a committee of lawyers  even though it is basically 100 % arbitrary edicts and proclamations. it's divine aspects aside, however, it is not even a legal document since it oversteps its authority since only 50 people signed-up to agree to it and only - legally - they are the only ones bound by it and they are now all dead. the entire planet is now awash in constitutions equally revered by their respective parishioners.

A Common Occurrance

   I was explaining to someone who actually wanted an explanation, I was explaining to him why the constitution and not obama and not iran and not DC and not the cops and not the democrats and not the republicans was actually the real reason for all the problems in america and why all americans are miserable. at some point in my lecture he became pale and his eyes became distant. he got up from his chair and staggered in reverse and clutched onto a corner of wall and stood there, a bit slumped and he started to become afraid. I sat there calmly because I have seen this reaction before during my anti constitutional lectures. as i sat there looking around for something on the table top to divert my attention for the time being, such as a magazine or a cupful of pencils and pens to sort through, he started to cough and wheeze at the same time trying to speak. "Evil....." he gasped. "Unspeakable evil...." he repeated. I looked up and said to him "I presume you mean me." He ran doubled-over toward the front door and exited.I was grateful he hadnt vomited. Sometimes they do. I really need to give these lectures outside, perhaps at a concrete picnic tables in the park up the street. On a soap box.

The Constitution: The Declaration of Enslavement

   The Constitution is usually held up next to the Declaration of Independence as being its equal in spiritual and ethical majesty. In fact the Constitution is the opposite of the Declaration of Independence in that it is a declaration of enslavement. It declares the people who freed themselves from England were now enslaved by America. Why the people who freed themselves from England thought it necessary to attach themselves to a new set of chains is something no one has ever inquired about since no one seems to have a problem with Americans being re-enslaved so long as the re-enslavement was not at the hands of the English government. I personally believe that England sighed a sigh of relief when America set its Constitutional  apparatus into operation since it bore so close a resemblance to the British government with the oddity of the bill of "rights" the only new wrinkle. However I am sure that once the British actually read the nature of the "rights" they laughed and chuckled to themselves that the Americans had sold their freedom and liberty hard won for ten trifles, trifles which in a few cases are cleverly phrased to hide what they really contain: some screaming nightmares. Fortunately for the nightmares nobody actually reads the Constitution and so they are content to believe that the bill of "rights" is something actually..........something actually something. I really don't know what to call what Americans think the bill of "rights" actually is. I guess they think it's some sort of bill of rights.

The Constitution Owns You

   The Constitution makes you its property. The Constitution takes the reality of property rights and perverts them into it's opposite so that you don't own property, you are property. You are the property of a piece of paper. You must be an idiot. Because you think this is not only praiseworthy but noble and righteous and worth dying for to protect and defend.
   The fact that the Constitution makes you its property basically eradicates all of your own natural God-given property rights. It just does not get more diabolical than this.  It's almost praiseworthy in its cunning evil. No one ever said Satan was not clever. He's so interestingly clever in fact I almost find it amusingly fun. Almost. Another interestingly heinous aspect of the Constitution is that it is the arch enemy and exact opposite of the Declaration of Independence. It's the declaration of dependance. And subservience. Yours. To it. The Constitution doesn't liberate you. It's owns you. It enslaves you. It makes you its property. And you think it's saving you and making your life possible. It's actually making your life impossible. It's imprisoning  you without bars. Well, some of you are behind bars. True. But that's only because some of the people imprisoned outside of the bars decide to make a break for it by ignoring the statutes. These people need to be corralled lest they become a dangerous example to others a little less adventurous. Which would be everyone not behind bars.
   The Constitution, rather than protecting you, is endangering you: it has set up parameters you not only must not cross, anything you ever do can be declared unpatriotic and or treasonous. Sooner or later. The expansion of the definition of "treason" is the only unified goal all countries have in common. In a sense the world has always been a "one world" government since all governments are  identical. They're like identical multiple births only each with a different name; instead of Bobby and Billy and Ed they are Plutocracy, Democracy, Oligarchy, Commonwealth, Dictatorship, and in our case Constitutional Democracy. They are however essentially Socialistic Omnivores, you being the food. There is a reason all governments collapse; everyone eats everyone. Because eventually nobody has anything. The Constitution is unique however in that it is the first government to expressly lay out the rules for its own eventual demise. The impossibly complex and simultaneously ridiculous assertions and conditions and unalterable edicts laid out in the Constitution spell out in clear and pompously serious language the one-way route to oblivion. No government in history has ever accomplished that before. In fact it might be the sole accomplishment of any government in history.
But, hey; Rush Limbaugh swears by the document. So I must be crazy. Because as we all know Rush Limbaugh is very smart. Certainly smarter than a washed-up Mouseketeer.

How Our Government Works. In One Short Lesson

   Our government works this way: the Constitution gets written and declared "done." The Congress - created by the Constitution -  writes laws. Someday -  maybe -  the Supreme Court  - created by the Constitution - decides whether these laws are "Constitutional." Once in a while. In the meantime cops stand by ready to arrest you whenever they decide to for your having violated a law that was created by Congress. Or by your city council. Or by your State Assembly. Or by your county board of supervisors. All of whom exist by - to date - non interference from the Constitution, each having their own constitutions or something called "charters" which are constitutions for things smaller than States. In other words 4 governments create laws forbidding you to do things or commanding you to do things which you must obey otherwise become imprisoned. This is how our government works. It's not complicated. It's just tyrannical, insane, evil, stupid and expensive. Cause all these people are on huge salaries and will be on huge pensions. With full medical. While you're on skid row. Living in your own feces.

Constitution Gestalt Lesson # 5 billion and two

   The Constitution is essentially a secular version of a "scripture." It's stuff written down that is considered "holy." Unlike other scriptures which come from a deity first and onto parchment second the Constitution creates the deity all by itself, the deity being the government. The government takes the place of traditional deities in that it resides here on earth but still retains the common deititic attributes, among them omnipotence, infallibility, the working of miracles that defy the laws of reality, guardianship, concern, compassion, the need for sacrifice from its worshipers, the expectation of obedience and of course punishment for heretics or as they are called "lawbreakers." Whereas in other religions the gods create men in the Constitutional Church men create the god, which is the Law - the thing Jesus came to fulfill and thereby render no longer necessary. Trying to get a Christian much less a pagan to believe this is pretty close to probably impossible.
   While i tend to pull Jesus into everything just to make a point that is never recognized I can just as easily escort him out again which I will do now.
   To those who worship the Consitution, saying anything critical of it much less attack it from stem to stern is the equivalent of telling a Muslim that Mohammed was a sociopathic mental aberant liar with a lust for murder and child rape and that Allah is a nonexistant pile of invented goat shit and if he IS real then he's goat shit that actually exists. You get the same reaction: you are met with, if not violence, the urge to perform some on you. It's like telling a Catholic that Jesus cannot be installed into a baked wafer by a child molesting social misfit who refuses to marry or copulate on the record by uttering certain syllables of magical power so that the faithful can commit cannibalism. Catholics don't want to hear this. In fact they don't want you even saying it while off by yourself on a desert island somewhere. Because it cannot be true because if it is true then the Catholics have been acting upon a falsehood and a lie and at best an honest mistake. And when you have built your entire mental and psychological and spiritual holding-pins on a lie, and you come to realize it's a lie, then you have to collapse all these edifices and then rebuild them: which is a lot easier to do with the truth, by the way, but it seems so scary and intimidating that it's easier and a lot more enjoyable to beat the heretic to death. Murder is often associated with a lie of one sort or another that came before the murder.