Above is the 13th Amendment in its pristine and efficient entirety. It is the Amendment that the Civil War was fought for to have installed into the Constitution. It is the amendment that you think abolishes slavery. You think that because you haven't ever read it. you should read it. No, really! Read it. It's only 32 words. You can do this. Did you read it? Probably not. Who reads things these days. Well, if you did read it you probably think it abolishes slavery.
Like all government intentions it does just the opposite. It not only establishes universal slavery, it declares a monopoly on it.
It takes slavery out of the heart of Dixie and replants it, like a brand new cotton crop, deep in the heart of District.
You could probably read those 32 words a thousand times and not have it register what it really actually says if you are a "normal" American. Because you believe in the Constitution. You think it is loving and kind and godly and holy and wondrous and full of salvation and glory and righteousness and beauty and love and flowers and children and candy.
It is in reality full of shit, sewage, artificial coloring, crap, bull, and a modicum of savagery not even especially disguised but pretty much right out in the open. So I'll give DC that: they didn't bury their consequence of the Civil War in an avalanche of vocabulary. No, they were pretty brazenly scoffing at you about it and right out in the open too.
If you read it a thousand and one times, and not merely a thousand, you might have it start to register, as all the evil villains in the comic books say, "onto your petty, feeble, puny, human brain, so vastly inferior to my own" that what it really says is that Congress has the power to "duly convict" anyone under the jurisdiction of the United States into slavery. In other words it says that DC and the States and the Counties and the Cities can not only enslave you they can duly enslave you. They can make it official. "Duly" means, in this case, "and we are not kidding, we can hammer you pretty good about it."
Oh, and do you see that "except as punishment" part? That actually means "whenever we want and whenever we decide to and to whomever we like and for whatever reason as long as it is a 'duly' reason. And as long as you are a citizen of course. Oh, and if you are not. We can enslave anyone on earth, in other words." In even more other words, it says "The government cannot make you a slave except as punishment for a crime." And every day new activities and objects and desires and emotions and vocabulary and thoughts and deeds are declared crimes. It's one of the Rights of Congress, to declare things crimes. You however do not have the right to undeclare them crimes. So Congress has rights. The Constitution is very very generous in granting actual make-belive rights to bureaucrats while granting really shitty make-believe rights to you. I am using the word "rights" very loosely and actually incorrectly. They are actually permissions the Constitution grants to its administrators and to you. Government has millions of permissions and you have about 6. Government calls the rights because government knows you don't know a right from a corncob up the ass.
Where was I.
And then after that statement made by the 13th Amendment there is a lot that is left unprinted: and that would be the laughter that EYE can hear, but I don't know if you can. Can you hear it? Can you hear the laughter of Lincoln and Congress and the various other Constitutionally appointed and sulphurously annointed minions who concocted the wording of this "freeing of the slaves" thing?
It doesn't free the slaves. It makes even more of them. It makes everyone available and qualifiable for involuntary servitude. Thanks to those two little words "except for." As for "duly convicted" - duly convicted is government blather meaning "We are going to do this to you if we decide to." Conviction just involves a decision by an authorized decision-maker whose paycheck comes from the person he is duly convicting. You pay this asshole to jail you, in other words.
The 13 Amendment gives the federal government the authority to enslave all citizens, and in fact all humans, not just the negro ones, with impunity and without having to fight another civil war to make it happen. They already fought one. And they already made it happen.
You likely still do not think that's what the 13 Amendment actually says. You probably still think it says "All negroes shall be free." Or something equally ridiculous and negro-related or negro something. You probably think that it all - when you boil it all down - has something - in one way or another - to do with - and I could be wrong here - negroes, and maybe also with cotton and also maybe has something to do with banjos.
No. What it all really boils down to is the Constitution declaring in plain English that it can now enslave its own citizens unimpeded and without recourse and without interference.
Thank you, Northern Soldiers of the Union! Thank you for giving your lives so that I might be enslaved! Good Fucking Job, Assholes!
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